Have you ever had a recurring thought that just keeps coming up? Something that has to get out of your brain and out into the world? That’s where I’ve been for a while now.
This thought, unfortunately, is this amorphous blob though. Its shape is constantly changing. It’s color. It’s texture. Everything about it is in flux. All. The. Time. The process of holding it in though is becoming more “painful” than releasing it. The amorphous thought blob just wants a chance to be known and understood. Don’t we all?
The recurring thought, fundamentally, is that I have to be writing more. Whether what is coming out of me turns into an outline for a podcast or a blog post or a portion of a book doesn’t ultimately matter. The words just have to get out of my head and onto to a screen.
I say onto the screen because if they end up on paper there’s a good chance they won’t actually resemble words. My writing is pretty bad.
I don’t know what is going to come out of me over the next month or so. I just know that I need to write. I was almost tempted to latch on to #NaNoWriMo which stands for National Novel Writing Month and happens in November each year.
As much as I like structure, I think I need to be a bit more gentle with myself than a monthly word count goal would permit.
I’ve got a lot of content creation balls in the air right now and I’m still in the process of figuring out what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.
Here’s what I know: You are not broken. You can absolutely find peace and be at ease around food without having to follow someone else’s rules.
How do I know this? Because I was 100% convinced that I was broken too. And now I’m learning, day by day, that years of being immersed in diet culture had me believing that lie. But it isn’t true.
The Deepest Craving
We are all wanting connection on some level. Or at least we were at one point, perhaps before we became convinced that we could never have it or weren’t worthy of it.
The lack of connection led me to turn to food for comfort and company from a super young age and then poor stress management had me turning to food as the ultimate study buddy.
The unhealthy relationship with food eventually led me to dieting which, not coincidentally, is bursting with opportunities for connection and purpose. Find new recipes! Join a bunch of groups where real people talk to one another about the diet! It all seems great! Until…
Breaking the Rules
As soon as a rule is broken, the connection to the people becomes a bit broken too. Perhaps, there’s a sense of shame. Or a sense that I’m an impostor and if folks knew the truth, I wouldn’t be welcome.
That’s exactly what happened to me. In my first podcast episode, I talked about how I was getting kicked out of the intuitive eating groups. At the same time though, the intermittent fasting groups were too focused on the “diet” stuff. I wanted a group where I could explore all of it at once. So the Intuitively Intermittent Facebook Group was born!
There’s a fear in the back of my mind though that I’m wrestling with and it’s certainly going to be coming up more as this thing I’m doing evolves.
What happens if I wake up some day and decide I want to be done with the intermittent fasting stuff? What happens if any of the 235ish folks in the group decide that same thing?
Membership in my FB community cannot be contingent upon eating a certain way! I felt rejected by too many people and situations in my life to create a space where that is the expectation!
Where I’m Heading
I’m thinking more and more that the work I’m doing needs to be “diet” independent. A connection with another person does not depend upon having a common way of eating or a similar food plan.
Each of us is worthy of this connection just by showing up.
If you aren’t already a part of the Facebook Group, please check it out. There are some really great people in there and the connections we are forming with one another are blowing me away.
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